How to EFFECTIVELY Use Breathing Exercises to Curb Urges

Breathing exercises are self-soothing and relaxation techniques that involve consciously controlling and manipulating one's breath. These exercises involve altering the rhythm, depth, the breathing in/ breathing out ratio or pattern of breathing. There are numerous types of breathing exercises, each with its own unique approach and slightly different effects. While this can be overwhelming, it also has a positive side to it, at least for me as a therapist: it’s hard to say “breathing exercise don’t work for me” because there are dozens and dozens of them to try, it’s only a matter of finding the right one and testing them the right way so that you know which ones actually work.

For instance, deep diaphragmatic breathing exercises involve taking slow, deliberate breaths, typically inhaling deeply through the nose and into your belly and exhaling slowly through the mouth. This can activate the body's relaxation response, leading to reduced stress and anxiety. Another technique, called box breathing, involves inhaling, holding the breath, exhaling, and then holding the breath again in equal counts, creating a pattern that can bring about mental clarity and calmness. If you click on the link above you can watch a guided video that walks you through box breathing. Another breathing exercise that is quite beneficial is called ocean breathing. Our VIP Lounge downloads section contains a pdf for its members, but today we’ll share it with everyone. Click here to download the instructions. If you’re a member of the VIP Lounge, you will find another pdf with several different breathing exercises explained step-by-step.

Breathing exercises can also be utilized in practices like yoga and meditation to facilitate mindfulness. In only a few minutes, a well selected breathing exercise can help you clear your mind and ground you. Here’s a brief and off-the-cuff list of their main benefits: stress and anxiety reduction, improved, stable focus, improved lung capacity and better blood oxygenation as an immediate effect, reduced blood pressure, better emotional regulation, reduced muscle tension, improved sleep, etc. I could go on forever, as you can see the effects are numerous and diverse.

Because anxiety and stress often accompany or trigger hair pulling or skin picking, breathing exercises can be very beneficial to help you weather the urge storm by promoting healthy self-regulation. If you’re not sure, do a short awareness exercise and pay attention to how your breathing changes before you engage in picking/pulling, during and after. What I usually see is that when the urge is present, breathing tends to be shallow and fast which is like what people describe when stressed, anxious or tense. Often people will notice that they struggle to breathe in fully and it may feel like there’s always air missing in their lungs. Then, as picking/pulling progresses, soothing slowly sets in and breathing becomes slower and deeper. By observing how your breathing changes, you can follow the self-soothing process that BFRBs do all-too-well. Of course, right after the picking/pulling episode finishes, guilt and shame set in, restarting the whole process.

Many people fail to benefit from breathing exercises because they form unrealistic expectations and don’t approach them methodically. The most common approach that I see is that they will try a breathing exercise once, experience some mild benefit, stop at an arbitrary point in time and then forget to use it next time around.

So let’s start from the beginning. Knowing what is the outcome you seek so that you can set realistic expectations. Breathing exercises are meant to alleviate the intensity of the urge. They are not meant to make you feel fine, comfortable and cozy. They are not meant to make your feelings go away, they are merely meant to make them manageable. The number one reason why techniques to combat BFRBs fail to work well is that people expect them to remove the unpleasant experience of the urge. This is not surprising since the core of body-focused repetitive behaviors for many people is avoiding their emotions. Naturally, one would expect a technique to help them avoid their emotions, only without doing damage. However, avoiding emotions always does damage. There’s no way around it. An important skill that everyone has to learn on their healing journey is to accept and befriend their difficult emotions.

A realistic expectation is the following: breathing exercises can help me alleviate the urge so that I can allow it to pass away without picking/pulling.

The skill you’re building while practicing nonreactivity is equanimity – the ability to remain stable while present with your feelings, no matter what they may be. This isn’t just a convenient way to endure an intense urge

Now that you know what you can hope for, here’s how to find a breathing exercise that works. I’ll be practical and list the steps:

1.      Find a place where you can be alone and where you feel safe. Set aside about an hour of your time, or about 10 minutes per exercise.

2.      If you feel like you may pick/pull in a quiet space without distractions, it’s best to use gloves or sit on your hands while doing exercises.

3.      Locate the urge or places where your body is currently holding tension. Observe these areas mindfully and describe each area for yourself. Get acquainted with your tension. You may even rate each area from 0 (relaxed) to 10 (intensely tense).

4.      Try your breathing exercise of choice. If you don’t know where to start, click on the links I provided above for box breathing and ocean breath. Practice the breathing exercise of choice for about 4 – 5 minutes.

5.      As you’re practicing, be mindful of the identified areas of tension. In addition, if you struggle to notice a visible effect you may “boost” the effects by using some forms of self-soothing touch. There are many ways to do this, but the most common way is to put your right hand over your heart (on the chest, not over the clothes). Hold your hand firmly and direct your attention to that area. You will notice a sense of warmth and relaxation emanating from there.

6.      Once the time designated for the exercise is over, turn once more to those areas of tension in your body. If they are less noticeable, roughly by 30% you can consider it a useful exercise. Try out several and then choose the one that’s most effective.

Once you have your chosen breathing exercise, practice it whenever you feel tension or anxiety building up. The more you practice, the more relaxing it will get, but more than that, it will help you make a habit out of it. As a general rule, whatever you use to replace skin picking or hair pulling has to be practiced with discipline because there is no other way to establish a new habit. I know this isn’t the nicest thing to hear, but it has to be said. Your BFRB has a head start over any alternative way of self-soothing and that’s not a small head start. If you’ve been picking or pulling for years or decades in some cases, those movements and that reaction seem completely natural and spontaneous. To replace it efficiently, you have to rival that by repeating and practicing with discipline and dedication.

I always say it and I’m sticking to it: when it comes to psychological change, there are no life hacks, just hard work.